Italian Dispatch #5

Thursday: Where the hell are the Italians?

After the last two days here in Rome, I’ve decided that it is really only populated by tourists. Most of them are Danish, for some reason, and most of them are being lead around by ‘guides’ carrying odd items tied to sticks that they raise in the air to distinguish themselves from each other. Thus far, I’ve see bandanas, bananas, silk scarves, chocolate wrappers, trashcan lids, UFOs, kitchen sinks and various other appliances mounted on sticks, hoisted at my eye level and floated about every palazzo, ruin and bit of antiquity we happen upon. I’m starting to hate these guides as well, if only because they portend a swarm of tourists that would just as soon step on your face to get the perfect picture as tell you the time. Oh, and what’s with all the friggin’ video cameras? Who is EVER going to sit through even a 5 minute film of a fountain surrounded by schools of tourists? It’s boring to live through, let alone relive on Beta Max…

So, after paying way too damn much for an unlicensed taxi to our hotel, Brooke and I wandered the two blocks to the apartment that her mother, brother and friends, Rachel and Washington are renting while here in Rome. Word to the wise: if you’re traveling with 4 or more people, this is the way to go. They’ve got a great 3 bedroom place two blocks from said famous fountain (the Trevi) and it’s costing them about 70 Euro per person per night. It’s a sweet deal. Anyway, we met up with Linda and Keith to plan our afternoon. First order of business: laundry. We knew they’d have a washer and only packed half as many clothes as we’d need. After fiddling with and starting their washer (it wasn’t spin drying for them), we headed off to what has been to date my favorite spot in Rome: the Pantheon. Its imposing, mostly complete façade in the middle of a modern-by-Italian-standards square is breathtaking. The inside has been desecrated by those wacky Christians so most of the original ornamentation has been replaced with Christian frescos and statues but the dome is phenomenal. It’s composed of the successively inset octagons. Obviously hard to describe but don’t worry, I took plenty of photos of it. Oh, and did I mention it’s free? Bonus.

From there, we ventured down past a bunch of ruins to the Coliseum. One joke that doesn’t seem to get old is the ‘man, what a dump’ joke when you’re walking through ruins. It’s funny because 1) there are a TON of ruins and 2) it looks like a big, ancient dump. The Roman Forum is a prime example. It takes up acres and acres of prime Roman real estate and is really just a bunch of fallen columns and broken brick-work. I’m sure my high school history teacher would kill me for say this but, why not just either restore it to its former glory or put in condos? It’s not like you don’t walk straight into some bit or piece of ancient history with every turn of the corner here anyway. And the Coliseum is a prime example. It’s really cool…or would be if they’d invest a little in restoring it. Instead, it’s the husk of it’s glorious self. They’ve erected gates around the entire thing and inside a good bit of it so you can’t get near any of the bricks or cool stuff. You can only look at it from afar. This is because people have a habit of ‘tagging’ or writing graffiti on anything that’s old, immobile and that cost money to see. I, along with anyone that’s ever been to a baseball game or in any public toilet you paid to use, understand this. Why not engineer for the people and not against them? I say restore the Coliseum, bring in gladiators (better yet, politicians), wild beasts and sell exclusive beverage selling rights to Budweiser? After all, this big hunk o’ ruin was the Nascar of its day and should be revered as nothing more than such. A thousand years from now, are our ancestors going to be wandering around Talladega or Turner Field, both in complete ruin, in awe and revering our pastimes of the lowest common denominator? As much as I have faith in evolution, I fear the answer is yes…

So, we wandered around the Coliseum for a bit, snapping photos every so often. I know I sound like a futurist jerk in the last paragraph but it was really lovely and stunning. After that, we walked back toward our respective residences and had a dinner in the same alley Linda and Keith are staying in. It was nice, I think, though Brooke didn’t enjoy the meal much. We both ordered the steak and she’s not accustom to the fattiness of the meat here. They like the ribeye, for whatever reason, and they like it thin. I thought it was tasty but hell, I eat anything. After dinner we came home and crashed. Walking and overeating is hard work!

Friday: Babies, puppies, gypsies and the train station

Our first order of business today was to get tickets to Naples and from there to Pompeii for Saturday. We took the Metro to the main station around 11 to get said tickets. This process only took us about 10 minutes. Of course, if you have a Eurorail pass and need to make reservations, they’ve got a long line for you. We were at the train station for two hours, which is long enough for a train strike to occur. Bonus. Anyway, while we were waiting for the non-us part of our party to get reservations for Naples, I was asked by no fewer than a dozen gypsies for change. A third of the gypsies just ask for change. A third of the luckier gypsies have puppies while asking for said change. The even luckier gypsies carry a real live baby while asking. Of course, for my money, the most heart-wrenching are the ancient gypsy ladies, hunched over with cane in one hand and cup in another, slowly pacing back and forth with their faces completely covered in scarves. You all know me. You know I’m nearly a communist when it comes to politics and I’m a total bleeding heart…but something about all the folks that have asked for change here screams “I’m faking” and I’ve been a complete scrooge with them all thus far. They’re all faking, I swear.

As I mentioned, after fun with reservations there was a train and bus strike for the rest of the day. A fat lot of good that did us. Rachel and Washington quickly took a cab to the Vatican (for religious reasons, I’m sure) and we wandered toward Circus Maximus for lunch. We had a light lunch near the Plaza of the Republic (Me: mushroom crepes; Brooke: pasta salad) before walking toward more ruins. We stopped first at the jail where Peter and Paul were imprisoned and killed. No word on Mary (rim shot, please). It was terrible. Cold stone, low ceilings and torture. I’m sure some people come to this place and feel holy or some such. Myself, all I could think of is how awful people are to other people…and how evil institutions can be. We left and headed down to the Circus Maximus, which was wholly under whelming. It’s a big field, people! We stopped for coffee near by and the cashier at the trattoria had the THICKEST glasses in the world. I know we joke about ‘coke bottle glasses’ and all but I swear you could have put on of his lenses in the Hubble and seen the distant distant past. Still stymied by the strike, we walked back the Coliseum and caught a cab back to our place. It was 4 o’clock and we decided to rest up for the evening. With plans to meet around 6:30, we headed to our room for some reading and rest.

The final bit of this evening was our walk from a square south of our place where they burnt a heretic to the Spanish steps (which are famous because they are steps? Maybe?) Along the way, we saw many an authentic Egyptian obelisk. The Romans sure did like the obelisks of Egypt, let me tell you. We saw at least three tonight and they’re very cool. We also might have seen the Prime Minister of Italy but we’re not sure. There were a lot of police near Parliament, after all. Anyway, we took a nice walk and had dinner at this amazingly large restaurant tucked away near the Spanish steps. I had a type of pasta with pesto and Brooke had a pizza…and mousse! Why is it that women are able eat their weight in dessert? I don’t get it. Anyway, it was a great dinner and cost half as much as last nights meal. Go figure…

We walked back from dinner and parted ways with Linda and Keith…until I realized I had no clean underwear. I trotted back to there place to get our laundry and am now here in the lobby typing this long-winded email. The concierge just had a major outburst in Italian about something tenant related. After that, he apologized for ‘not seeing me until the tirade started’. I love the honesty of Italians…he’s not sorry for the outburst, just that I witnessed it. Anyway, I’m about shot so I’ll call it a night. I hope all is well wherever you all are at…

Ciao,
Shaun.