For those of you that don't know, my father died in February. It was the first family death of my adult life and the first 'viewing' I'd ever attended. He died rather suddenly, mostly thanks to half a century worth of smoky treats. I have never really talked much with folks outside of my immediate family about it. It was ugly business, probably of the ugliest sort, and I generally keep it close and quiet. All the same, I just wanted to put it out there tonight that I miss him. I seem to go a few weeks without thinking about it, then have a bad night.
What's most frustrating is the most banal absences. For example, I walked home and noticed the brick work on a particular house and got to thinking about the summer I worked with him in Torrance when we built a three-foot retaining wall when I was 15. Even though he was suffering from emphysema even then, he could work circles around me. Everything was manual and I couldn't mix the mortar fast enough for him. If I had been able to keep up, I might have had enough extra time to learn more about laying brick. Though I may never have a need to lay bricks in my life, I'd have given damn near anything to call him tonight and ask about that summer. About laying brick, setting a level line and all that jazz. Retarded, eh? Retarded but true.
Brooke's dad says that the first year after a parent's death is the worst and I can only hope that's the case. Because this really sucks.
Subscribe to:
Post Comments (Atom)
1 comment:
You will always miss your Dad, Shaun, but in time it will be less painful. It only proves how much you cared for him. I wrote you a long letter hope you read it. You have had a lot big changes in your life this year, losing Dad, marrying, moving to another state, starting a different life with going back to college. It is going to take time to settle down with all that has been going on. Hang in there kid you can do it. You know that you have a lovely wife and a family that loves you. Take care and God Bless.
Mom
Post a Comment